Name of the writing coach giving feedback ____________________________

1. Is the thesis sentence a strong one? The booklet Ways of Writing suggests that thesis statements can be improved if they:
   • Make no debatebale claim ("This paper will examine the pros and cons of death.")
   • Are obvious, or a statement of fact ("Death is scary.")
   • Offer a personal belief or folk wisdom claim ("A positive attitude will help you succeed.")
   • Make an overly broad claim ("Sex is a yaboo subject in America".)

   If the thesis sentence is weak. Point out why. Suggest a way to stregthen it.

   If the thesis sentence is strong, describe the points, that in your opinion, make it a strong thesis. Also, describe what you liked about it.

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2. Is the outline elaborated to sufficient depth? Point out places where more detail would be useful.

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3. Do the ideas in the outline flow together to make a unifiable whole. Read just the top-level bullets. Do they tell a complete story? If not point out why. Do they leave unanswered questions in your mind? If they do, write the questions down so the outline's author can address them.

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4. In your opinion, what items constitute the strongest argument in the outline. Tell the author why you think this.

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5. In your opinion, what items constitute the weakest argument in the outline. Suggest 2 ways that the author could strengthen these items.

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6. In 3 or 4 sentences, reiterate in your own words, what you think the paper is about, and how the author will prove their claim. (I ask the writing coach to do this summary, so that the author can judge if he has expressed his intent clearly. If your idea of the paper and the author's (own) idea of the paper differ widely, this tells the author something.)

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